I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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