he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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