You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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