There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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