Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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