HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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