I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of