Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
