I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
