I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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