around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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