Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
