if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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