I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
