You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
