Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
