i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
