Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
