I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
