my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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