you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
