I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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