So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
