The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
