We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize