I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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