Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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