i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
