omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Randomize
