I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
