Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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