I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
