About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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