tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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