I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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