At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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