The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
