he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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