I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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