If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
