whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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