I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
