I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
