Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
