Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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