Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
