Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
