I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
