I faked an abortion last night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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