so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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