So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
