Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
