I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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