I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
