you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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