Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
