Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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