five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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