oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
