If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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