why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
