So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
