The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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