Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
