when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize