the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
