if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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