Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
