btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
