Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
