Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
